These are the usual pieces of advice that I give to friends (and to myself too) who break up with their boyfriends or pseudo-boyfriends.
Step 1: Focus on the reason.
This first step is very difficult, especially when there was no proper closure and you didn't discuss in detail why you broke up. What you can do is list down all the probable reasons why the relationship didn't work out. You have to understand why the break up had to happen. Otherwise, you will keep on wishing and hoping that you would eventually patch things up.
The reason may be any of the following: he couldn't accept my flaws, he's leaving the country and not coming back, he cheated on me, he abused me, we're too different, we can't see our future together, our life plans do not match, our personalities clash, he makes me feel bad about myself, etc. In my opinion, "he makes me feel bad about myself" is the reason of all reasons why you really have to move on from someone. A guy should never, ever make you doubt your worth.
Once you've identified the reason why it will be a bad idea to have him back, FOCUS ON IT. It's inevitable to also remember the good memories that you had together, but you have to block off those positive things - at least for the meantime - just so you can let go. I've always said that it's easier to move on from a jerk because he gives you enough reasons why you don't deserve him in your life.
Step 2: Keep yourself busy.
Idle time invites endless thoughts. Keep yourself busy, not only work-wise. Do things that you've always loved doing or you've always wanted to try, may it be traveling, writing, cooking, working out, enrolling in classes, reading. Anything to distract yourself from merely thinking about him. It's true that at the end of the day, when you're in bed and about to sleep, all the thoughts that you tried to escape from will all come and mock you in the face. That's normal. It's actually healthy to just let the thoughts flow every once in a while. But you wouldn't want them to torture you all day long, right?
Step 3: Surround yourself with family and friends.
Now is the perfect time to spend quality moments with people you probably neglected while you and your guy were still dating. This will lessen your longing to have your ex by your side, and make you feel that you are not alone. You need support from people who are willing to lend their ears as you rant and offer their shoulders as you cry.
* * * * *
Most people are successful in doing steps 2 and 3. You usually don't need to instruct yourself to follow these steps. They just occur to you naturally.
I firmly believe, however, that you won't be able to completely move on if you skip step 1. It's crucial to know deep in your heart why you should let go. Otherwise, you might find yourself temporarily forgetting, but still blindly hoping. It's unhealthy, tiring, and oftentimes depressing to be stuck in that situation.
You may follow the three-month rule or the half-the-time-you'd-been-together rule, but there's no clear-cut formula on how long moving on could take. It's something that you need not hurry, in the same way that "befriending" your ex is something that you need not force. It would be more helpful if you give it ample time before you communicate again.
I experienced spending YEARS trying to move on from someone. Looking back, I realized that I never took the time to identify the real reasons why we had to part ways, which may have caused me to dwell on the past longer than I should have. Now I'm glad that I know better.
I experienced spending YEARS trying to move on from someone. Looking back, I realized that I never took the time to identify the real reasons why we had to part ways, which may have caused me to dwell on the past longer than I should have. Now I'm glad that I know better.
Moving on gets less difficult after the first major heartbreak. If on the first time you felt that it's the end of the world, the next time you'll feel that it's just the end of an era. It will still hurt, and it will still tear your heart in pieces. But at least you already know that you would eventually get over it, just like the first time.
We can only hope that one day, we'll find someone whom we won't need to move on from.
nakakainis! baket yung comment box nasa dulo lang?! gusto ko pa naman magcomment sa bawat sentence! chos! bwahaha.
ReplyDeletenatapos mo rin sa wakas! ayeee!!! syet! ikaw na! it's you already!
pero "minsan akala mo naka-move-on ka na..." chos!
Mali yung line mo! It should be, "Minsan, kahit naka-move on ka na, bigla-bigla pa ring bumabalik yung memories..." PAK! :))
ReplyDeleteDi bale nagco-comment ka naman out loud kanina habang nagbabasa eh. Haha.
syet ka charmie! sigh...
ReplyDeletefavorite ko yung last line -- "We can only hope that one day, we'll find someone whom we won't need to move on from."
ReplyDeleteisa ka dun sa friends na tinutukoy ko sa first line. hahaha.
ReplyDeletenapa-hehe ako sa pseudo-boyfriends... favorite ko rin yung last line! napa-awww ako.
ReplyDeletesomeday, cherrylsi. someday.
ReplyDeletep.s. i-date mo na yung pinapa-date ko sayo. haha!
eh kung lumipat ka na rin ng bansa?! hahaha. kumusta naman ang movie list na puro siya ang kasama. awwww. hahaha.
ReplyDeletekakaiba ka.. haha year-end coffee? kaya ba?
ReplyDelete@kuya nik: kaya nga ayoko na mag-movie ngayon eh...CHOS. di ko kailangang lumipat. i've moved on. hahaha
ReplyDelete@alden: keri ko! text me! :)
ReplyDeleteang galing! :)
ReplyDeleteate eds!! thank you! :)
ReplyDelete